Cabalistic Cores In A Cage
by D.Gray-Man 411Critic
Summary: Allen tilted his head, ghosting his fingers over her skin. "No... That's not true..." "Yes it is!" "NO It'S NOT!" Allen shouted, punching the floor. "Why would anyone admire someone like me? They believe everything I say is all lies. The people that trust me are fools! I can't even trust myself.I'm no hero. I can't protect the people I care about most and now I'm a danger to them."
1. Cabalistic Actions

**_Cabalistic Actions_**

"Has anyone seen Allen today?" Lenalee asked curiously.

The scientists took their cup of coffee from Lenalee, grateful that she was kind enough to bring it to them in the first place. When the question was asked everyone contemplated over their busy, long, uneventful day that left them dreary and tired.

"I don't think I have." Russel answered, rubbing his chin in deep thought.

"Maybe he's on an assignment." Johnny commented.

"No, the Chief hasn't given Allen any assignments. He was injured badly on his last assignment in Italy three weeks ago that the Head Nurse wouldn't let him go out. He was under hospital arrest with the Head Nurse. I heard he put up a fight about that." Reever said.

Lenalee furrowed her eyebrows. "He was released two days ago, but he looked kind of... depressed. I'm a little worried."

"I'm sure it's nothing." Number 65 said, placing a stack of paper on the table. "Today's Christmas Eve, right?"

"Yeah, it is, but what does that have to do with it?"

"I was just checking to make sure I'm on track. Anyways, I heard Allen was lingering the Black Order trying to find Timcampy. You know those two haven't been the same since we gained the Ark and after Cross' mysterious death... Allen has been rather down, lonely. I think Cross was the last person that truly understood Allen. We're just barely cracking the shell he's late for hatching out of." Number 65 explained.

"... That's right." Reever uttered. "I forgot about that. Everything's been so stressful lately."

Lenalee stared at the empty tray in her hands. Number 65 does make a good point. Allen always spoke so illy of General Cross, but they worked well together in battles. They seemed to have this strong connection. She once before Cross' death that Allen had a conversation with Cross. It was actually rather amusing to see how they verbally abused each other with feigned spitefulness. You could just see the laughter in their eyes. It was like it had been a game of theirs. Allen left the room angry that day, but she saw a small smile on his face when he left the room. Cross, well, he was always smirking. He had such confidence one would dream of and Allen had such compassion that one would want. However, those two... were an enigma.

"Do we even know Allen?" Lenalee murmured.

"What?" Reever asked, knitting his eyebrows together. "Of course we do."

"Do we even know anything about Allen and his past other than that Allen was adopted by a man named Mana and they were traveling clowns?" Lenalee whispered.

"Uh... Maybe not."

Lenalee gripped the tray tightly and began walking out of the library. She had to find Allen and she had to talk to him. Something was upsetting him and it was hurting her. When she took the tray back to Jerry she noticed Allen wasn't in the cafeteria, nor had he been all day. Lenalee knew she would find him, but she didn't know when. Still, she got a few cookies and a slice of vanilla coconut cake and a cup of hot cocoa with extra marshmallows for Allen. Food always cheered him up. If it didn't then she knew something was terribly wrong. When she had everything she needed, Lenalee began her search.

Allen still wasn't in cafeteria and she couldn't find him any of the halls nearby. Komui hadn't seen him all day and every time she passed someone she would ask about it. Most were sympathetic and wished her luck on finding him. Then there were some that were angry and loathsome towards Allen still. Many people in the Black Order doubted Allen's loyalty to the Black Order, but everyone in Headquarters or anyone who had the privledge to work beside Allen for a second understood and trusted him with all their heart. Everyone except Chaoji. Lenalee had to admit it infuriated her to know Chaoji didn't trust Allen, that he wished Allen would be executed, but at the same time she couldn't completely blame Chaoji.

Chaoji hardly knew Allen. He didn't even meet Allen in China before the Fallen One appeared and Allen was put through a dreadful experience. Lenalee always cringed thinking about what she's heard. Tyki Mikk, a sadistic and cruel, yet honest Noah, had ripped his arm and destroyed Allen's Innocence. He sent Timcampy to the other Exorcists to give them Suman's Innocence and to give them a guide to General Cross. Even to his near dying moment Allen had thought of everyone else before him. Then Tyki took one of his Tease and let it eat a hole in Allen's heart. Allen should have died, but he didn't. He was taken to the Asian Branch where Bak, Won, and other scientists took care of Allen. She overheard Bak talking about how Allen acted during that time and Lenalee was somewhat glad she hadn't been there to see it because her heart would have shattered to see Allen in the state he was in. The point is, Chaoji didn't get to know Allen before everything plummeted.

After Allen retrieved Crown Clown, he immediately headed to Edo. He saved Lenalee's life and it was because of Allen that everyone got in the Ark. Though the damage left a dent physically and emotionally, it also encouraged everyone! That was a big wakeup call. They all nearly died and they had to go past their limits to meet even grounds with the Noah. The Krory's fight was a drawl. Tyki and Allen never really finished their fight and after he went berserk, Lavi and Allen combined couldn't do anything. If Cross hadn't shown up they'd all be dead. Then Lavi almost killed Allen because Allen refused to fight him after Road took control of him. It tore her apart to watch her friends, her family, try to desperately stay alive and it hurt more knowing one of the deaths that could have happened could have been caused by one of their own because of Road. Kanda was the only Exorcist who actually defeated a Noah.

But Lenalee guessed that due to the lack of knowing Allen was one of the main reasons Chaoji easily turned on Allen. Another reason was when Allen tried to bring Tyki with them, saying that his Sword of Exorcism had gotten rid of the Noah inside him and Tyki was just a regular human... How wrong he had been. However, Allen still saved Chaoji's life when those weird tentacles penetrated the floors and broke Road's door. Chaoji would have ended just like Road's door had Allen not pushed him away even after calling him a monster. Even after calling him a traitor. Thinking back to it, Lenalee saw how devastated Allen looked when Chaoji said that. His claim seemed to have caused a chain reaction. Now most of the Order was against Allen and he was being watched 24/7. He had no freedom. He had to be careful with his words. His actions could be considered conspicuous. His mistakes... If he made a simple mistake it could be used against him. It wasn't right. Chaoji did have good reason to distrust Allen unlike most other people, but wishing for Allen's execution was unacceptable. The other Exorcists get along great with him, but when it comes to Allen or the simple mention of him, everything gets tense.

Sighing, Lenalee surveyed another corridor. Allen wasn't in his room. He wasn't in the cafeteria wolfing down food that may someday give him a heart attack. He wasn't in the library or the Science Department. Lenalee's checked every hall ten times and hasn't seen Allen anywhere. She's checked the lounge as well. His hot cocoa had gotten cold and Lenalee went to get another cup, disregarding the burning ache she got from touching the glass since the heat radiated through it. Once again she searched the entire building, or at least she searched every place she was allowed. Since they had to move Headquarters to Central things have been chaotic.

Still... No Allen. Lenalee found herself interrogating the same people over and over again. It was mostly the people closest to Allen that began to get worried and because of Lenalee, an entire party of Exorcists, scientists, and finders alike were trying to hunt him down. A lot of people took the time out of decorating for Christmas to find him. That pleased Lenalee. It made her happy knowing how many people still cared for him. It enthralled her to know she was right and wasn't imagining things, but it saddened her because she still couldn't find Allen anywhere! Not even Link was around. If he was going through an interrogation or something with Leverrier or the CROWs, then Komui would have been informed.

"Allen, where are you?" Lenalee sighed, staring at an empty hall, trying to figure out where she hadn't looked yet. "The roof..."

A spark of hope filled her and she quickly went outside, activating her Innocence and flying to the top of the building. She searched every inch of the roof and she still couldn't find Allen. From inside she could hear Lavi hollering Allen's favourite foods in hopes to bait him out. Kanda was outside, walking around and muttering curses about the beansprout. To most people's horror, Komui sent tiny robots to go looking for Allen as well. She knew one thing for sure. If Komui's robot found Allen they would likely know.

_There's only two other places I haven't searched yet... The Ark and Cross' old room. He wouldn't go in either of those places... Would he?_ Whether or not Lenalee believed herself about Allen not going to those two places, Lenalee checked anyway. She asked the CROW that were guarding the Ark if they had seen Allen or heard anything strange or if anything weird had happened. Nothing. Meaning Allen hadn't even entered the room. That left one place.

Lenalee's feet hastily guided her through Central. She didn't stop until she found an old wooden door that was really thick. She knew it was Cross' old room because she had seen Cross enter it often. As sad and grim as it was, she couldn't stop the many thoughts from running through her mind.

Was he even in there?

Was Allen okay?

... If Cross is dead and Anita is dead, does that mean they're together somewhere? This thought brought back so many memories, the terrible and the wonderful, about their trip to China and to Edo. Anita had become Lenalee's role model in an instant, then she died... It was heart wrenching to leave her and Mahoja, but they had to. This just reminded Lenalee of why Chaoji had good reason to hate Allen... He had reason to hate him. Not discriminate Allen. Not harass Allen. Not wish for Allen's death. They have no proof that Allen had even done something that deserved death on Allen's part! Until that evidence comes through, then they shouldn't be putting Allen through all this shit.

Taking a deep breath and praying Allen was in here, Lenalee opened the door, entering quietly. Peering around she felt a sense of melancholy and sadness. She actually missed Cross herself and she could smell Cross' scent in this room. Along with alcohol and smoke toxins and... blood.

"Allen?" Lenalee called out questionably.

She heard a rustle. It was faint, but she heard it. Glancing around she found a bush of white hair moving in attempt to hide itself on the couch. A small smile graced Lenalee's lips and she walked toward the couch. "Allen, I know you're here. Don't hide."

A shaky, unhealthy, wheezing-sounding sigh echoed in the air and she heard a few sniffles. Gulping, Lenalee walked around the couch and found Allen laying down on it, face buried in the cushions. One glossy gray-blue eye was staring at her, hen it hid itself in the cushion and Allen turned on his other side so his face was against the back of the couch.

"Allen..." Lenalee murmured, sitting down on the floor in front of the couch. "What's wrong?"

"Please go, Lenalee." Allen whispered, raspy.

"I can't. I've been looking for you all day! I was worried about you."

Allen released another sigh. Other than that she got nothing from him. His entire body was trembling and she assumed it was because he was apparently crying. She also assumed it was because it was so cold in Cross' room. The air was bitter and brisk, unwelcoming. Then she remembered the hot cocoa.

"I brought you some snacks." Lenalee said cheerily.

"I'm not hungry." Allen grumbled, however, to his dismay and Lenalee's amusement, Allen's stomach loudly growled. You had to love Allen's stomach. "I-I... I'm not... G-go away. I want to be alone." Allen stuttered, embarrassed.

Lenalee could imagine the blush on Allen's face. It didn't help she giggled. Even so, she didn't leave. Instead she put her hand on Allen's arm, pulling him toward her. "Allen, look at me. Please, just look at me."

Allen fought a little, trying his best not to look at Lenalee. Somehow, though, Lenalee overpowered him and accidentally pulled him off the couch and on to the floor, earning a yelp from Allen. Lenalee saved the snacks, knowing Allen would later appreciate it. Right now, though, Allen looked at her, a frown firmly in place, and he sat up, crossing his legs. Hot, fresh tears were streaming down his cheeks like a waterfall and sorrow lay in his eyes. For a few minutes Lenalee stared at Allen, resisting the urge to cry herself. Then, Lenalee moved so she was sitting beside him and she placed the hot cocoa in front of him while trying to hand him the cake and cookies. She had remembered Allen's appetite, so this wasn't on a saucer. It was on a plate. Allen stared at it with a glint in his eyes, but he didn't take it. Lenalee set it on his lap.

"Allen, what's wrong?" Lenalee tried again, scooting closer to him. "Come on, talk to me. We're friends, right?"

"Of course, Lenalee, but..." Allen mumbled, closing his eyes and the tears came down faster. "I... You can't be around me. Okay? So, just... just go. Please."

Lenalee frowned. "Why can't I be around you?"

Allen gazed at her. He absorbed her image, letting it sink in his brain so he could forever remember it. Lenalee had always been there for him since he arrived at the Black Order. She saved him from Kanda's wrath on the first day. He helped him get away from Komui's Sir Komlin when it tried to do surgery on him. During their first encounter with Road she held him back from trying to save an Akuma's soul. The blast may have killed him. He was still upset about that, but he knew it was the right thing. It was for the best. She always had his back in a fight. If he thought about it, he went on most of his assignments with Lenalee and they knew each other's strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else. She was very dear to him and he was so fond of her. Allen cared about her deeply and only wished for her happiness, he wished to protect her. He wished to see her smile, just like everybody else.

"... Lenalee, I'm dangerous." Allen whispered, leaning against the couch, wiping away as many tears as possible.

"... What... do you mean you're dangerous?"

"Exactly that! You know, don't you? Everyone knows! I have a Noah inside me. The Fourteenth and no one... No one trusts me. I don't even trust myself anymore... I thought I could contain him. I thought I would be strong enough to suppress him, but... I'm not sure anymore."

Lenalee offered a weak smile, hugging Allen and wrapping his arm around her shoulders. Allen flinched, trying to move away, but Lenalee wouldn't allow it. It took a few minutes for Allen to finally accept the hug, but he never relaxed and a small blush swept across his cheeks. Lenalee took note of how much paler Allen looked and the bags under his eyes. His eyes drooped and the tears wouldn't stop coming down! He was still shaking. His body was so cold. With the thought of warming Allen, Lenalee cuddled closer to him.

"Allen, you're one of the strongest... You're the strongest person I have ever met, but even the strongest of people need support. They need friends."

"And I have wonderful friends." Allen uttered, sighing. "But I can't let you get involved. Not any of you."

"Why not?"

"Because I'll hurt you! It... It always happens! Everyone I get close to, they die! I can't let that happen to my friends. I can't... And I definitely don't want to be the cause of it." Allen held his head. "I can hear him. I _feel_ him... I can't... I can't..." Allen dug his fingers into his scalp, kicking the floor.

Lenalee tightened her arms around Allen's torso, forcing Allen to look down at her. "Allen, you can't do everything alone. You must let us in. You must let us help you."

"No... I can't. I cannot let you." Allen whispered, shaking his head. "I'll hurt you."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will... Cross... He told me that in order for the Fourteenth to take over... I mean when he does... God, I can't remember! All I know is that I'm supposed to kill someone I love and care about." Allen said, shaking his head around slowly, then he stared at Lenalee, eyes wide with fear and confusion. "I-I fear it's you, Lenalee. I fear it's true. What if I am not strong enough? What if I can't hold him back?"

"Don't say that!" Lenalee cried, punching Allen in the chest. Allen groaned, but didn't say anything. He merely stared at her forlornly. "Allen, you're not a Noah! You're not one of them! You are nothing like them. You have the most compassionate, loving heart. I'm envious of you because you are so forgiving. You can see the world in all its wondrous glory. Because you love just about everything and everyone loves you. Everyone adores you. They look up to you. Those people you don't trust you don't understand anything about human nature. They know nothing of love or life. You're our hero. You've remodeled the Black Order!"

Allen tilted his head, ghosting his fingers over her skin. "No... That's not true..."

"Yes it is!"

"NO It'S NOT!" Allen shouted, punching the floor. "Why would anyone admire someone like me? They believe everything I say is all lies. The people that trust me are fools! I can't even trust myself. I'm no hero. I can't protect the people I care about most and now I'm a danger to them. If people look up to me then they're so damn stupid! I smile, but it hurts. It hurts because I turned Mana into an Akuma. It hurts because the man who raised me afterwards is dead! It hurts because I smile when people all around me are dying! It hurts because the Akuma's souls are in agony. It hurts... so bad... and I smile because... Because... I have to."

Lenalee blinked, inhaling a deep breath, as she caressed Allen's wet cheek. His cursed cheek.

"Then I'm the dumbest fool you'll ever meet. You're my hero and I admire you. I've seen you grow since you arrived. I'm seen you fall down, given nothing but ground to walk on, but you get back up and continue. When all odds are against us you turn it around. You save so many lives. You care and you love everyone. Even the people who hate you. You fall down, but you always get back up. Now... Now isn't any different. You're falling and you're crumbling, but you'll get back on your feet. You will and I'll be here with you when that happens. We all will.

"I admire your passion to protect everyone. Although it sometimes worries me that you'll go too far. I admire your ability to encourage people. I admire you because you're strong. You, Allen, have given hope to us. You..." Lenalee sniffled, wiping away a stray tear from her own cheek before she tried wiping Allen's tears away. "You are still a child. You are younger than everyone but Timothy. However... You are our inspiration. You are our leader. Our comrades will follow you everywhere. We will support you and help you." Lenalee clenched her teeth. "No matter what happens Allen, you changed everyone. You've given us hope. We have faith in you."

"Don't... Don't say that." Allen muttered, pushing the plate off his lap and fully enveloping Lenalee in a true embrace. "I'm no leader. I'm no hero. I'm not... I don't give you hope."

"Allen, you may never understand just how wonderful you are... But that's okay." Lenalee wrapped her arms around his neck. "That only makes you who you are."

Allen gulped, closing his eyes as his final tears came out of his eyes. He was so cold, but Lenalee gave him some warmth. He even felt a tingle of hope in himself. It wasn't much, but it was enough to let him wipe away the tears. He didn't feel much better, hell, he felt like shit, however, Lenalee was able to comfort him, if only a little.

"Lenalee, I miss Master." Allen whispered, hiding his face in her neck.

"I miss him a little too, but can you tell me what he'd do if he saw you like this?"

Allen laughed, and though he laughed, Lenalee felt something squeeze her heart. He wheezed, probably from crying. He mumbled something that Lenalee couldn't hear and she sighed. This... It felt nice. To have Allen in her arms and to have him hold her as well. It irked her that he was deeply disturbed right now, but she guessed this was a the small dread Allen always felt when he was comforting someone else. He normally soothes Lenalee the most. She was extremely sensitive sometimes.

"Lenalee, I'm sorry to worry you. I know it must hurt to see me like this. I'm such a wreck." Allen said, looking up at her face with a frail, fragile smile. "Does it make me a terrible person that I made a beautiful person cry?"

Lenalee smiled, stroking Allen's hair tenderly. "I'd say yes, but you could never be a terrible person."

"... Thanks, I guess."

Lenalee's gaze softened as she handed Allen the cup of hot cocoa. He gratefully took it this time, sipping it down. It was a little cold, but this was Allen, food was food, and since cocoa had marshmallows in it, it was food to him. When he drank all his hot cocoa, he picked up the plate and ate his cookies, staring at Lenalee the whole time. She was still latched onto him. He didn't care. He enjoyed her company. He felt guilty for making her worry and cry, making her fret. It didn't help that he tried to kick her out of a room that wasn't even his.

"Lenalee, I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"But I-"

"You were upset." Lenalee squeezed his hand. "I understand. I can be insensitive when I'm upset... Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Allen took a bite of his vanilla coconut cake, his lips twitching. It was so good.

"Did Jerry make this?" Allen asked.

"Actually, I did. I made it for the party tomorrow, but I made a special exception for you."

"Wow, Lenalee! You're an amazing cook!" Allen said, digging into the cake sloppily.

Lenalee laughed. Not only because she was amused and Allen was back to normal for the most part, but mainly because when he finished eating his face was covered in cream and coconut shavings from the cake. She wiped it off, making Allen blush a little, and tossing the extra gunk on the plate. With tender eyes, Allen watched Lenalee. He was tired. Both of them knew this. Allen wanted to go to bed, but right now he just wanted to enjoy this moment with Lenalee.

"Thank you." Allen whispered.

"You're welcome." Lenalee replied, patting his cheek playfully. "You're a messy eater, Allen."

"I know."

Allen stood up, bringing Lenalee with him. He motioned for her to sit on the couch. Lenalee pushed him on there first, then sat down next to him, still attached to his arm. She stared at Allen's left hand, which was ungloved. His black nails were intimidating and his arm looked burnt. She never actually touched his arm before, so, very gently and carefully, she reached her hand out and let her hand fall on Allen's. He tensed, but just as soon relaxed, looking at Lenalee, expressionless.

"Lenalee, do you think we'll win this war?" Allen asked.

Lenalee smiled, bringing Allen's hand up to her lips and affectionately kissing it. "As long as we fight together I don't think we can lose."

Allen let her words sink in for a moment. Then he let her image sink into his mind as well. She was beautiful. She captivated him with her strong will and her courage. She was, in his opinion, what had always kept everyone together. When someone acted out of line Lenalee was right there to put them back in their place. She thinks she's weak, but she's strong... Lenlaee also has this amazing ability to cure grief and sorrow if she tried. If only for a brief moment. Allen had scars and wounds in his heart that may never heal... Lenalee, though, can patch them up and make him feel terrific. It didn't matter if it was temporarily. Why would she think he was the one that gave everybody hope?

Slowly, Allen drifted into a deep, peaceful slumber. Lenalee soon followed. They both managed to lay down with Lenalee laying on his chest and Allen had his arms hooked around her waist as if to protect her. Allen didn't fall asleep with a smile and he still felt like crap, and there was still a lot Lenalee didn't know, like what bothered him, but he decided not to bother Lenalee with it. Lenalee was smarter than he thought. She knew. It wasn't that hard to understand that Allen kept things to himself, but Lenalee didn't want to push it. She didn't want to see Allen cry again. Whatever irked him to make him cry may not have entirely been about the Noah inside him. With Allen it was never that simple. However, she left it alone. Sometimes... the best way to help a person feel better was not to talk to them, but to lock your arms around them and never let them go.

"Awww, this is so cute." Lavi whispered, peeking over the couch.

"Well, she definitely found him." Reever muttered.

"Ah, it's so beautiful." General Tiedoll said.

"Hey, General." Lavi greeted, smiling. "You, Tim, you got this, right?"

The golem shook his body furiously, perching itself on Allen's head. His tail swished around, softly tapping Allen's head.

" ... Al... Allen..." Lenlaee uttered, scooting closer to Allen and laying her head on his upper chest.

"Hmm... Len... alee..." Allen tightened his hold around Lenalee's body and he pulled her closer, a smile forming on his rosy lips.

"Dawwww. I think I'm gonna cry." Lavi said.

"Me-e to-oo!" Tiedoll sniffled.

"Oh boy." Reever sighed. "I hope Komui doesn't find out about this."

* * *

**The End!  
**

**This story was originally planned to be a oneshot, but if you all want me to turn this into a story then let me know. I wouldn't mind making a story on this. Although I have another story and I might update that one more than this, but I can turn this into a story either way. I hope you all liked this.**


	2. Rendering Nerves

_**Rendering Nerves**_

Light footsteps echoed in the hall and soft murmurs resonated through the air. Excitement was all around for most people, but there were many who went home for the holiday. Christmas was a special holiday and even if it's only a few hours, it was important for scientists and finders alike to go home to their families. The Exorcists, though, were all stuck ... That wasn't the topic for today.

Allen yawned, rubbing his left eye. It was itchy and irritated today and he was left to ponder why that was. He inwardly hoped it was just a simple itch and not the beginning of one of his pain surges. Those rare phases were excruciating and nearly unbearable.

"_Heeeey_, Alllll-_len_." A mischievous rabbit's voice drawled, gathering Allen's attention.

"Is there something you want, Lavi?" Allen murmured.

Lavi jumped beside Allen, curling his arm around Allen shoulders with a big grin. Allen wasn't sure if he should be concerned or not, but he still smiled brightly. It didn't bother Allen that Lavi was dragging Allen down. Lavi weighed more than Allen and his extra weight was making Allen lean over. It was more comforting than irritating to know Lavi could continue acting like nothing was wrong, to continue treating Allen like he was still his best friend and comrade that had no demon inside him. It was soothing to know Lavi thought of him as a friend and he knew Lavi was one of the people supporting Allen.

"Where were you yesterday buddy?" Lavi asked.

"Oh... I was... Around. I didn't feel so well, so I decided to keep to myself. I'm sorry to have made you worry." Allen said sheepishly.

"Aw, it's okay. As long as you're feeling well now."

"Actually, I feel much better."

Lavi nodded to show he was listening and he start rambling on about how the Old Panda was making him read all these books and write all this down and do this and go there. Allen wasn't sure if he was making it up or not, but if he was, Allen thought he was an excellent fiction storyteller and should write book. If he was telling the truth, Allen felt a little sorry for his hectic schedule. He wasn't sure if he was really intrigued by Lavi's story that he didn't notice that he had arrived at the lounge where almost everybody was or if it was because he just wasn't paying attention. Glancing over his shoulder at Link he wondered if Link toned this out sometimes or if he actually listened to every word.

"Allen!"

Said person turned his head, smile widening. "Hello, Komui."

The scientist flashed a smile, patting Allen's shoulder. Allen wondered why everyone liked patting his shoulder or slinging their arms around him. It was a little bothersome. He didn't let them know that though.

"Can I help you, Komui?" Allen asked.

"Well, Allen, I was just thinking that you have somewhere you wanted to be today, don't you?" Komui said, eyeing him curiously.

Allen returned that curious stare. "I... do?"

"I know this is a bit of a late notice and all, but I just remembered Lenalee once told me that you knew some people in Liverpool. She said you told her that Liverpool seemed like the closest thing to a home for you." Komui said sincerely, looking into Allen's misty gray eyes as they broadened in realization.

"O-oh, no, Komui. I wouldn't want to bother Mother or Barba. Besides, I wouldn't make it in time and-"

"Oh, no, no, Allen. They'd never let me send you to Liverpool without an assignment." Komui interjected, chuckling lightly, then he pointed at the couch farther in the room. "Why don't you go over there. I think you'll be pleased."

Allen furrowed his white brows. He had an idea of what Komui was trying to say, but.. it couldn't be. Leisurely, unsurely, Allen walked forward. His destination? The couch. It was that simple and he felt almost nervous to walk up to it. He was able to handle fighting a Noah for his life, he could easily handle walking up to a couch and see what's there.

As he approached the furniture, Allen saw smoke lift into the air and brown hair with hints of gray. What was more evident to spy was the man sitting on the floor in front of the chair, taking off a winter coat and he had a straw hat on his head. It shouldn't come as a surprise that the man had a huge smile and a boutique of flowers, and he was tall. Taller than Kanda or _Krory_! Allen couldn't keep himself from smiling, no less gasping out of surprise and joy.

"Barba!"

Barba turned his head, his grin widening, and he stood up. He practically jumped over the couch to get to Allen, and then, to most people's delight and Allen strange happy-dread, Barba picked Allen up and tightly squeezed in him the biggest, bone-crushing bear hug ever. Allen winced, laughing just a little. He could see Komui's proud and cheerful figure off to the side, waving, and Lavi was laughing, waving, too.

"Ba-Barba! Ca-an't bre-athe." Allen cried, patting Barba's chest, wheezing.

"Oh, sorry, Allen." Barba apologized, setting Allen back down on his own two feet. "I forget my strength sometimes."

Allen smiled brightly, rubbing his ribs. He hoped none of them were broken. That wouldn't be good at all. Not right now. What a gift, right? Still, Allen looked up at Barba with a wide grin. So many emotions filled him, but one question out of the many thoughts that coursed through his mind appeared to be the only important thing to Allen right now.

"What are you doing here!?" Allen exclaimed, glancing at Mother, then back at Barba. "You're supposed to be in Liverpool! What are you doing all the way over here?"

"We wanted to see you Allen. We've heard everything that's been going on with the war and we just wanted to make sure you're okay." Barba said, ruffling Allen's hair.

"That's not a proper greeting. If someone takes the time to come visit you then you could at least show some hospitality, Allen." Mother's voice rang out, raspy and cranky-toned as usual, though there on her face stuck a smile.

"O-oh, sorry!" Allen walked up to the couch, laughter highlighting his misty irises. "Good morning, Mother. It's nice to see you again. I hope you travel here wasn't unpleasant. Is there anything you need or anything I can do for you?"

Mother snickering. Allen, on the other hand, climbed over the couch, sitting beside the elderly female. For a moment they stared at each other. Mother took in every detail of Allen. She noticed how his hair was a little shorter and perhaps somewhat spiky. His eyes held more sorrow, shame, and regret even in the twinkling excitement and joy. His smile was slightly disheartened, but it wasn't fake at all. He had gotten just a tiny bit taller and he appeared to be more slender, showing signs that he has probably lost a few pounds due to all his running around and likely, a decrease in his had his Exorcist uniform on, which was more than she could say for anyone else. She had a theory as to why that was. Allen's face was two shades paler than usual, but overall, he was happy right now. He may not have looked too good, especially with those red puffy eyes and the bags underneath them, but he was happy. All in all, she expected worse. Mother kept forgetting how strong Allen's will was... Then again, she always remembered how fragile Allen had been after the loss of his father.

"That's better." Mother whispered, putting her cigarette in an ashtray and squishing the butt. "The trip wasn't that good, but I won't complain since it was the Black Order paid all expenses."

"That wonderful. " Allen sighed, pressing his body back in the couch. "You look great Mother. It looks like time has been treating you well."

"Ah, you're learning. Good, good." Mother mused.

"Allen, these are for you." Barba said, handing Allen the boutique of flowers. "I'm glad I saved them through the winter. They still look freshly picked, don't they?"

Allen nodded in agreement, studying Barba's famous flowers of all colors: Blue, red, pink, light purple, and lavender. They were beautiful. So beautiful. Bringing them to his nose and taking a sniff, a few fond memories of is stays at Mother's small cottage-like home flashed before his eyes. The corner of his lips twitch just a tiny bit more as he closed his eyes, nostalgia overpowering his feelings. He remembered helping Barba mow the grass and clip the bushes. He would often help Barba plant flowers and vegetables and fruits. He remember sitting in a bedroom, reading a book silently way past his curfew and falling asleep with it on his chin, then waking up early the next morning and seeing light blue flowers and daisies beside his bed. Barba knew flowers had often soothed Allen's depression in the past and it still does, he supposed.

"Thanks, Barba. They're beautiful." Allen whispered.

For the first time in a long time Allen found all his tension and stress drain out of his body, finding a place in utter tranquility and calmness. No worries whatsoever. Was it really the flowers that did this to him? Heh, most likely. Allen was a down to earth kinda guy. He found the simplest thing in his life were the most important. And these flowers? They reminded him of a peaceful time after Mana's death, but before he became an Exorcist.

"Hey, Komui, who are those two?" Link asked, staring at Allen and his two guests that were now involved in a conversation.

"Mother and Barba are supporters of the Black Order. Mother lives in a small town called Liverpool. Apparently, right after Cross took Allen in he brought Allen to Mother's home. They stayed there awhile. They're the closest thing to a real family Allen has right now. They played a big role in Allen's life. I'm hoping they can help Allen again." Komui explained, taking a drink of his egg noggin. "It seems to be working."

Allen inhaled deeply, then exhaled slowly. However, he shifted his head upon hearing shoes click against the floor. There was only one person whose shoe make that sound and he had been looking for her since this morning. He wasn't disappointed. A Chinese girl came through the doors with a big, big, contagious smile. She-like all other Exorcists other than Allen-wasn't wearing her uniform today. Instead, she wore a dark red blouse with a black skirt. Her blouse's sleeves went down to her forearms. She still had her reddish-pinkish dress shoes on and her Innocence anklets dangled around her ankles. Before Allen could say or do anything, Lenalee saw Allen on the couch and she immediately headed toward him. With each step she took Allen thought more and more about yesterday. He felt guilty still. He made Lenalee worry about him and she saw him cry. Because of him she cried, yet a warm, gentle smile that wasn't fictitious was present the entire time. Then, he was sad and desperate and he didn't want to be alone after thier conversation, he forced her on the couch and together they slept there in that cold room. However, he woke up before she did. Because of that he picked her up bridal style and carried her to his room. Why he didn't take Lenalee to her own room was a question to even himself.

"Good morning, Allen! I'm glad to see Mother and Barba made it here on time. It's wonderful to see the both of you again." Lenalee said gleefully, resting her hand on the back of the couch.

"Hello, Lenalee! Why, don't you marvelous! But what happened to your hair? Oh, it's so great to see you again." Barba exclaimed joyfully.

"Hello, dear." Mother uttered.

Allen stared at Lenalee. Last night's events kept replaying in his mind and he couldn't get the thought of sleeping with Lenalee on the couch out of his head. She was so warm. He found, deep inside, he found that he had enjoyed her company last night. He had enjoyed her comfort. It was a nice feeling to have Lenalee there with him, but that doesn't mean she felt the same.

"Good morning, Lenalee." Allen whispered, gazing at her softly. "Uh, Lenalee, may I speak with you?"

Lenalee blinked, tilting her head off to the side. "Sure."

Allen stood up, walking around the corner. He, at first, reached out to touch her arm, but then stopped-he withdrew. Lenalee could almost see fear shine in his eyes again, but mostly confusion. She could see the gears turning in his head as he thought about what to do or say, then, suddenly, he gazed at the floor bashfully.

"Look, Lenalee, about yesterday... I'm really sorry." Allen murmured.

Lenalee raised her eyebrow. "About what, Allen?"

"Making you worry... Making you cry... And then... Before we fell asleep... I mean... Thanks, Lenalee. Thanks." Allen mumbled, rubbing his neck as a blush crept across his cheeks, either from embarrassment or bashfulness, or both.

Lenalee stared at Allen, both amused and irritated. Allen didn't have to apologize. It was nice of him to say thanks, well, it was Allen. To say she hadn't expected an apology would be a lie though. She didn't want to be mad at him, so she just accepted his apology and thanks, hugging his arm and watching the blush on his cheeks brighten and widen, but only temporarily. It vanished quickly. How could you not see Allen as amusing?

"Come on, Allen. I have something to show you." Lenalee said, tugging Allen toward a tree in the back of the room. "We all chose you to put the angel on the Christmas tree this year since this is the first time you're celebrating this with us."

Allen smiled meekly. "But I'm not the only new person."

"Oh, Allen, the decision was unanimous." Lenalee reproved sternly, giving him the don't-argue-with-me look.

Allen sighed. He might as well listen to her. He didn't want to ruin anybody's Christmas joy. So far the day was going swell and he hoped it would remain that way. Allen sure as hell didn't want to be the one to ruin the fun. If anything or anyone, it would be Kanda! Or someone other than him. Just... not him. So, when they got to the Christmas tree decorated with lights, streamers, and colorful ornaments, Allen laughed delightfully.

"Now, before we put the angel on, take off your uniform, Allen! It's a traditional, spectacular holiday! You don't need to wear it." Komui remarked, pointing at the newly design red uniform Allen was wearing.

Allen blinked, tilting his head to the side. He ws comfortable wearing Exorcist coat. Perhaps there was a deeper meaning to why he wanted to wear it so badly... He believed that if he wore it all the time he could deceive himself into thinking there wasn't a Noah inside of him because he was an Exorcist. A boy with Innocence. Not a boy who controls the Akuma and feeds off of other people's sorrow. Not one who laughs at pain. Not a person who draws blood for fun. He wasn't an evil person. That's why he wore the uniform more often than not. It was his solace.

Allen patted his chest. He didn't want to take the coat off. He didn't have to. It wasn't like anything would change, but his sense of security would change. It wasn't like he wasn't going to be an Exorcist any longer. However, his left arm would be expose. He didn't put his white long-sleeved shirt on. He had put on a bluish-black tee shirt on. All his other clothes were dirty because he hasn't had the chance to clean them. He managed to take a shower this morning though. That's why his hair was sleek and wet... Still.

"Can't I keep it on?" Allen whispered.

Lenalee shook her head. "It's okay, Allen. It's just for today."

Allen gripped the fabric tightly. "I don't want to take it off."

Everyone stared at Allen sympathetically. They've known for a long time how much comfort his uniform gives him nowadays. It was actually a little depressing for them to know that the only comfort Allen has anymore comes from his uniform and occasionally, rarely, his comrades, his family. Allen was probably the only person fond of his coat. However, it was a holiday. That meant vacation.

Gingerly, Lenalee placed her hand on top of Allen's. "Please, Allen?"

"... But..."

"Come on, Allen. Do it for the Christmas spirit!" Krory cooed.

Allen shook his head stubbornly. THis was one of the very few times anyone has ever really seen Allen act like a stubborn child. He was a very mature person, therefore, it was a tid bit funny and some people couldn't contain their soft laughter.

"Okay, if not for the spirit," Lavi said, latching on to Allen once again, whispering in Allen's ear. "Then for Lenalee. Just look at her Allen. How could you say no to her? I mean, you wouldn't want to upset her, would you, Al?"

Allen hesitantly peered at Lenalee from the corner of his eyes, biting the inside of his lip. He saw pain in Lenalee's eyes as her fingers barely ran over the Rose Cross emblem. Why did Allen have to feel guilt so easily? Damn Lavi! He wouldn't have even thought about it if it weren't for the redhead. But... Allen did owe Lenalee... And it was Christmas.

"Very well." Allen said, defeated. He slowly unbuttoned his black and red coat, revealing his shirt underneath. Because he was obviously stalling, Lavi helped Allen take the coat off. Roughly. "_Lavi_!"

"You'll get your coat back at the end of the day. Now on with the routine!"

"Aye, Cap'n Rabbit." Allen grumbled, rubbing his left arm out of unconscious insecurity. No one really scrutinized Allen's left arm because they all knew too well Allen didn't like it and they all knew what it looked like by now. "Where's the angel?"

"Here it is!" General Tiedoll exclaimed.

General Tiedoll handed Allen a medium sized glass angel with a white dress on; snowflakes designed the dress in a shiny teal-turquoise color. A golden halo hung above her head and what Allen found remarkable was the beautiful female face. A delightful smile graced his face as he ran a finger over the pale face. The eyes were an extravagant misty mercury, blue-gray color and the hair was also white, but to tell it apart from the clothing, there was a light, light, _light_ blue tint. A small laugh escaped his mouth when he saw the red pentacle over the left eye and the line that ran down to the cheek bone, drifting off to the side. Another horizontal, curvy line ran across the cheek too. The smile of the angel was sincere and bright. Allen felt his eyes sting.

"Hey, Allen, put the angel on the tree already!" Timothy complained.

Allen blinked, lifting his head and gazing at the blue-haired boy in front of him. Allen apologized, patting Timothy's head. However, he saw him eye the angel. He remembered Timothy talked about his orphanage's Christmas traditions. It was Timothy's year to put the angel on the tree at the orphanage, but he was at the Black Order now and he couldn't do that. Timothy wanted so badly to put the angel on top and Allen took that from him. At least that's how he felt.

"Hey, Timothy?" Allen muttered.

"What?"

"You want to help put the angel on the tree?" Allen asked, kneeling in front of Timothy and holding out the angel for him to grab.

Timothy gave a toothy grin, gripping the angel loosely so he held it with Allen. Then both of them looked at the top of the tree, their smiles faltering just a little. The tree was tall-_tall_! It had to be forty feet tall!

"How are we going to put the angel on the tree? Nobody can reach the damn top!" Timothy shouted, stomping his feet on the ground.

"That's because you two are so damn short." Kanda scoffed.

"Where's the ladder?" Reever asked.

"No, that's quite alright. I got this." Allen said, picking Timothy up with one arm. "Hold on tight, Timothy. I don't want to drop you."

"What are you ta-" Timothy yelled when Allen and him were suddenly and quickly raising into the air. Allen had activated Crown Clown and used the tendrils to lift them up, but he slowed down after noticing Timothy turn a little green. Nonetheless, Allen laughed. "Don't do that!"

"I told you to hold on." Allen said.

"That doesn't mean anything!"

"Okay, I'm sorry, but hey, we're up here. Let's put the angel on so we can go get some food."

Timothy rolled his eyes. "Right. Food. I want the presents."

"There. We both have a reason to get this done and over with."

Timothy nodded. With big grins, Allen and Timothy put the angel on the tree and clapping resonated through the entire room. Allen nudged Timothy playfully before he began to slowly drift down to the floor. TImothy jumped out of his arms, saluting to Allen respectfully, then running off somewhere in the crowd. Allen crossed his arms, glancing around and trying to find any sort of food, but sadly there was none. That meant it was all in the cafeteria. _Maybe I can sneak out and get some. Jerry would happily give me some._

"Allen."

The white-haired boy turned around to see Mother. She was staring at him with a serious expression. Allen had this bad feeling in his chest and he glanced around to make sure no one was listening to them. Something told him it wouldn't be good if they did.

"Yes, Mother?"

"We need to talk."

Allen stood up a little straighter, his smile falling off his face. "I knew you didn't come here for just a visit."

* * *

**Okay. I know Allen's birthday is on Christmas, but don't worry! It'll be mentioned later. Promise. I will continue this story, but... I'm a little self-conscious about this chapter. Did I do as well as with the second chapter as the first chapter? I hope so.**


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